What Your Daughter Needs to Know
Dads have warned children to stay away from strangers. How unfortunate that adults only ever warned their children to beware of strangers .
Every fall , a new group of excited students journey off to campus , totally unprepared for the most likely threat – and it’s not strangers. Most people need self defense from the people they know.
Four out of Five Rape Victims are Attacked by People they Know
Being attacked by someone you know carries additional complications that youthful victims are particularly ill equipped to handle. Their trust is betrayed . There is more guilt . There is often less understanding from their group , who with divided loyalties. And usually there is a heightened sense of embarrassment when friends gossip .
When rape is brushed off , as it often is , as just drunken antics at a party, the victim is a target. When even she believes that the attack wasn’t really rape- only a misunderstnading , young lives get seriously messed up . It happens every year , on every campus in every state .
Too Often, Rape Goes Unreported
Instinctively , everyone has a good idea that to be the case . . Over 60% of cases are not reported. But the friend / campus / dating rape numbers are even worse . Up to 90% of these occurrences are not reported .
Which means for nine out of ten events you’re looking at a crime that carries no penalty for anyone but the victim.
There are many reasons that this is true . Do not underestimate the impact of embarrassment, shame, fear , confusion, peer pressure , misplaced loyalty, self blame, ridicule or pride . Lot’s of women tell themselves . “It’s ok. It’s nothing. I’ll get over this,” but they carry the pain with them for years. It can damage them and their relationships, for a long time .
So this is what needs to be known about campus self defense .
* Usually we take comfort thinking that if someone commits a crime against us they’ll be punished . Well, the odds are that if someone sexually assaults you, they’re going to get away with it. So, your best shot at justice is prevention. Carry a personal alarm and use it.
* If you mix young people and alcohol , bad things happen and situations can very easily slide out of control . If you’ve been drinking with a couple of guys and they turn on you , people will blame you . It’s not right , but that won’t matter .
* When the voice in your head says something is wrong , pay attention . If someone is making your uncomfortable , declare it immediately . Tell them to, “STOP RIGHT NOW”. Do not waffle Don’t equivocate . Don’t worry about feeling silly or embarrassed or hurting anyone’s feelings. Once you’ve made that clear , leave . No big scene is needed , just state that it’s better to go . Tonight is over.
* When your common sense says something is strange with a new date , pay attention . It’s easy to be carried away by the perfect guy and miss the warning indicators of a possible abusive relationship.
* Never ditch a friend when she’s had too much to drink . There will always be another party , another night out , but your friend is vulnerable and as irritating as a drunk can be – take command and get her out of trouble .
* Don’t go out to parties or clubbing by yourself . Go with a friend you trust not to leave you stranded if you become impaired , no matter how much of a pain you can be .
* A school campus is filled with all kinds of people. No one has an automatic ticket to your trust. There will be people who don’t deserve your trust, so hand it out sparingly